Breastfeeding Journey

The good, the bad and the beautifully ugly

My favorite thing about a breastfeeding journey, is the uniqueness within each, individual journey. I’ve only had one journey so far but it was magical and now that it has come to an end, I want to share it with the world. The beauty of this journey is that I will never have the same experience as I did with my daughter the last 2 years. I may have additional breastfeeding journeys but this one was uniquely it’s own.

The beginning was rough, my daughter was tongue tied and my nipples were raw, cracked and red before I ever left the hospital. I was lucky enough to have the latch specialist visit twice before we were released and I was given a prescription for nipple cream before heading home. Our pediatrician was also able to cut our daughter’s tongue tie while we were in the hospital as well so we could work on a better latch before heading home. Honestly though, the latch specialist tried pushing us to use a nipple shield a few times but it was more frustrating than helpful and I eventually just threw it aside and worked through the pain. That pain!! Enough time hasn’t passed yet for me to forget the pain of those first weeks of breastfeeding. I can say I’ve mostly suppressed the labor pains I went through but, for some reason, the pain I had while beginning breastfeeding has stuck with me. 

I can’t lie and tell you breastfeeding is easy, or even for everyone, but for me, it was something I had hoped and wished for. When the time came, I pushed through all the obstacles and exclusively breastfed for a lot longer than I expected. My goal was to make it 6 months since statistics say most women have stopped breastfeeding at that point. A few of the things that helped us achieve that included the fact that I was home (thank you COVID) and our daughter never would take a bottle! Yep, you read that right, our daughter NEVER took a bottle! We tried all the tricks; I would leave the room when someone else would try to give it to her, we tried to have a “date day” and head out for a few hours so she would get hungry enough to want a bottle, quickly trying to sneak a bottle in her mouth during a nursing session, and on and on we tried. To this day, she never took a bottle or pacifier and eventually went straight to a sippy cup. I did try feeding her milk on occasion from the sippy cup but since she never really took a bottle for me, I had stopped pumping months before that time and didn’t feel like starting up again just for that reason. She was also eating solids at this point so the nursing sessions where slowly weaning and I finally came to the realization that this is what works for us and to stop fighting it! 

I don’t know what our journey would have looked like if I had returned to full-time, in-person work around the 3 month mark though. Our daughter was born January of 2020 so, by the time I was supposed to be returning from maternity leave, everything was shutting down due to COVID. This gave me the opportunity to work from home. We also didn’t have much of a social life, not as much due to being new parents but due to COVID shutting the world down! After spending the rest of the year working from home, my company started to ask about returning to the office full-time so my husband and I had a big decision to make. Since my husband’s job was getting more and more successful and we had put ourselves in a better financial situation throughout 2020, we decided it was time for me to stay home full time with our daughter. This was another big step that created the additional opportunity to continue our breastfeeding journey with no interruptions in our day to day. 

As the year mark came and went, I was amazed how breastfeeding was just a normal part of our everyday. I did have the occasional thought about weaning but it was usually due to my own selfish desires and the thoughts would creep out as quickly as they creeped in. Part of me wanted to be able to wear whatever I wanted without constantly thinking about how to nurse with a particular shirt or bra. There was also the fact that I wanted my hormones to sort out before we started to think of expanding our family again and I hadn’t had a period since before I was pregnant with Little Miss. The final thought that hit me on occasion occurred if I ever nursed in public; I felt that I was being judged for nursing a toddler. It didn’t hit me as much the first couple months after she turned one but as the second half of the year started, I began to get a little more conscious of it. I know there are women out there who have no qualms about it and although I fully support any mom and child, regardless of age, who wants to nurse in public, I had this hangup that I couldn’t shake. There is such a stigma that has been created in the US with regards to how old a child should be breastfed until. There is even a classification for breastfeeding beyond the first year, “extended” breastfeeding. I’m not usually opposed to labeling something in that manner but I think seeing it called “extended” made me feel I was doing something against the norm, which we were according to research, but I knew it was what my daughter and I needed at that time. Just as breastfeeding has so many benefits for an infant, it has just as many for a toddler. Even with the introduction of solid foods, breastfeeding continues to provide your child with additional nutrition and immunity support. Not to mention, the additional intimacy with your child that you will treasure for years.

I am proud of myself for pushing through the pain and discomfort those first weeks that eventually led to months and years of breastfeeding. My biggest advice for a mom starting out her own breastfeeding journey, take it one day at a time! Seriously, especially at the beginning, those days feel so long but you do get through them, it does get easier and the process is one of the most magical experiences I have ever had. 

After two years of breastfeeding, it became apparent to me that I was ready to be done and my daughter seemed to be at a good point to move on as well. We were already down to one, sometimes two, nursing sessions a day. It was a part of our bedtime and nap routines so that part was a challenge in itself. I just decided one day, a few weeks after her 2nd birthday, that I would stop nursing during our bedtime routine. The first few nights were rough but my husband was home to help out and she eventually got used to the new routine that first week. Since the bedtime routine was getting established, I decided I would try to take away the nap time nursing as well. That was harder to get a new routine with as my daughter would cry for daddy and not calm down enough to fall asleep the first few days. Around the third day, she at least calmed down enough to nap but it took almost an hour to get there. With each day since, the time it takes her to go down has shortened but she still cries for dad and I end up reading her a book way too many times before she calms. We did throw in potty training at the same time so I am very proud of her for doing so well with so many big changes at the same time. We are officially weaned and I am looking forward to getting the opportunity for another breastfeeding journey with a new little one, someday!